Fox Park Vampiric Council
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MOST RECENT UPDATE
ATTN: STINKY HUMANS OF FOX PARK
From one very loving, very human(e?) human please stop this au natural nonesense! Sweaty people smell like onions and GARLIC and you are not meant to be a pasta dish you are meant to be a HUMAN and it is SCARY when you smell like garlic. Who cares there is aluminiumium in deodorant? Aluminiumum is just a chemical and guess what we are all made of chemicals!!! We drink H20! CHEMICALS. Also it is VERY important to stay hydrated so your blood does not become thick like maple syrup what do you think this is CANADA? If we liked CANADIANS we would fly there in an AEROPLANE BECAUSE WE ARE HUMANS. Canadians you are okay we are just skeptical of your ability to not get cold even though you are humans too.
UPDATE!! URGENT!!!! READ NOW!!!!!
WE FOUND JEFF OR ACTUALLY THE BARON FOUND JEFF HEHEHEHElol
Jeff is missing!!!!!! He was last seen walking and DEFINITELY NOT FLYING after an altercation over who had to take the corpses out. He is a MALE HUMAN with a small, pointy nose, black beady eyes. He has the wingspan of a "baseketball player" according to Google because that is something humans compare wingspans too. If you see Jeff please tell him to FUCK OFF but also that if he doesn't come home soon we will charge interest on his chores list. We miss him dearly and it has nothing to do with the fact that no one knows where the FUCKING remote is.
PLEASE DM OUR E-MAIL IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION ON JEFF. Below is a picture of a BAT that is NOT our friend Jeff but if you see this bat we would also like to know WHERE.
OLD NEWS BORING